I Remember

14 years ago today, I remember. Regis & Kathie Lee dressed up as each other, for their morning show. What I cleaver idea I thought.

My 3 week old son, was starting to settle into a routine.

It was harvest time. A beautiful sunny day. Mark was combining corn. I remember the particular field he was working in.

It was mid afternoon. Cole was napping and Ethan was playing with his John Deere tractors, harvesting corn out of the carpet. I remember the chair I was sitting in, folding laundry.

My husband came through the front door. Strange, I thought, it's 3:10 in the afternoon. What is he doing here?

It is then that time seemed to stand still.

I still remember him walking up the 3 steps from the front door to get into our living room. As he walked, he said, "honey I've got some bad news".

My heart sank. I rember thinking. Oh no. One of my dogs got run over...........If only that were true.

He came to me, kneeled by the chair, grabbed my hand and said, "I'm sorry to tell you, your dad passed away this afternoon".

I remember how strange and awkward, it felt to hear those words come out of his mouth.

"What, NO", I screamed it can't be true.

My first thoughts went to Cole, my new baby boy. You will never know your grandfather. "He never got to hold my son. He never even got to hold my son", I cried. Dad had wanted to wait until he was not quite so little and fragile.

Mark grabbed me, I cried. He cried. I remember feeling, that somehow, we were different now. He had never experienced the pain I now felt.

I remember Anessa coming home from Kindergarten on the bus, excited about the Halloween party she had just been at, at school.

I remember answering the phone, later in those first moments, and talking to our hired man's wife. Answering what seemed like her stupid question about when her husband would be done for the night.

I remember leaving Anessa and Ethan to go trick-or-treating that night with their other Grandma & Grandpa, as Mark, Cole, and I went to mom' s house.

I remember wanting to scream at everyone around me for allowing their life to go on, while mine seemed to have stopped at 3:10, and was now crumbling around me. Could no one see or feel my pain?

I remember being angry at everyone close to me who still had their father. Thinking there was no way they could understand my loss.

14 years latter, I am no longer angry, I am sad. Sad that my father will never see how my children have grown. He would be so proud of them. Sad to see he will never meet the granddaughter he would have never expected to have, but would have loved dearly. Sad to know that she will never get to run to grandpa, and reach in his pocket for that piece of candy he always carried. Sad to know that he is not here with his gentle wisdom and wit, to help my mother through these trying years with her dementia. Sad.

I love you daddy, and miss you more than I care to remember....................

Pumpkin Carving!

Cole's working hard

Ellie's trying to carve an orange.

We're done!

Mickey Mouse (for Ellie)

Mario

Fall

This is what Fall looks like at my house.
The dried up sunflowers and corn across the road wait to be harvested.

The sun is just coming up, as everyone gets ready to start another busy day.

The newly washed combine waits at the driveway for another day of harvesting.

Happy Birthday Anessa!

Happy 20th Birthday today to my first born! My beautiful, all grown up daughter. We love you lots and are so proud of all you have accomplished over the years. Hope you have a great birthday!

Don't you just LOVE mom's homemade cake! Ellie got Barbie in her last Happy Meal. She didn't like it, so she gave it to Anessa. Mom thought Barbie looked like a grown up, hip 20 year old!

Ellie got to go see Veggie Tales Live over the weekend. She loved it!

Birthdays and Panties

One member of our family celebrated their 14th birthday today!! Another member of our family is wearing panties for the 2nd day in a row!!! Guess who's who!!